Retribution X: Remy's Tequila and Elvis
by Anything but ordinary3
Summary: Random madness with the newest team at Xaviars, alcohol abuse and Wolverine as a 'personal tutor'. My first EVER fanfiction so reviews and CONSTRUCTIVE critism welcomed!


**Disclaimer: **Only Ashley, Melody, Kat and Evelyn belong to me, so please don't sue! I mean no harm!

Hey this is my first ever fanfic so it would be nice to get some feed back from any one who reads. 

Oh and if anyone anywhere would like to put this somewhere else please ask and you won't be disappointed, but don't use without my permission! Thanx a lot!

N.B. This story gets better so if the character intros. don't appeal to you just skip and get right into the main action! 

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**Retribution X and the curious caper of Remy's Tequila and the Wheelchair race!**

We collapsed in an exhausted heap as the simulation shut down. 'God these danger room sessions are gonna be the end of me ' I thought ruefully knowing full well I wouldn't want my life any other way, well…not at this precise moment anyway.

The five of us Jubilee, Hellfire, Tsunami, Tantalus, and me, otherwise known as Retribution X, had been going through Wolverines training sessions for a while now and they sure weren't getting any easier.

"We'll make a Cyclops clone of you yet Sparky" came our 'personal tutors' (a new idea from professor X where each x man is responsible for a different group of students) voice from the safety of the control room.

I smiled up at him "Nah I don't have his skills for one thing I can't speak out of my…"

"Yes well that's quite enough" came the voice of the Professor

I looked up and blushed I didn't realise he was watching us.

"I've been speaking to Logan and we both agree your ready to go on some smaller scale missions, of course Logan and one of the other members of the faculty will join you as back up if anything goes wrong."

Whoops of delight could be heard from Jubilee the rest of us just looked apprehensively around at each other. As the groups leader (not by choice) I felt the added weight of responsibility knowing that I would be the one who was responsible for the safe return of the team and the success of the mission, its all very well being the leader when everything goes your ways but when there's a slight hitch in your plan it all fell on your shoulders to adapt etc.

I studied the group Hellfire otherwise known as Kat Jacobs with the ability to create and manipulate fire, perhaps the least mature and in control of her powers, both my best friend and my worst enemy rolled into one. She is the second youngest (Jubilee being the youngest) of the group and is highly emotional yet also great fun however, I think its fair to say not brightest crayon in the box but one of the most fiercely loyal people in the group. It's easy to match her with her powers with her strawberry blonde hair and brown eyes that can become the embodiment of the flames she creates.

Tsunami quiet yet ever watchful, Evelyn Marquez was definitely one of our pair of voice of reasons. Her parents were immigrants from Jamaica in search of help for their little girl who had water leaking from every pore in her skin leaving her dehydrated almost to the point of death but the Professor had helped her control her powers to the extent that she could choose which pore or group of pores out of the hundreds of millions covering her body she would excrete the powerful jets of water from. Her hair was short, black and curly at the back and bright red and straight at the front.

Tantalus with the ability to know what peoples hearts desire and torture them with it, her secondary mutation is to cocoon unknown quantities of people within a protective shield like force field (as you can imagine a real asset when in battle with the likes of Apocalypse… not that we'd know). Melody Fields was definitely the other half to our voices of reason, she was similar to Jean Grey in the whole 'good girl' way and was one of the few who could follow the dictionary's (our codename for Beast) conversations in fact she used words that could rival his in complexity and length. She was definitely an individual not being one to follow the crowd (or 'sheep' as she often put it) and would often work into the early hours on essays. Melody like me lived most of her early life in England, however unlike me se had dedicated her early life to gymnastics and ballet (leaving her with the ability to kick serious butt due to her great flexibility and strong legs). She was definitely the beauty of Retribution X with her tall lithe figure, long flowing golden locks and big blue eyes. 

Then there's me, Ashley Donovan a.k.a. White Lightening, all 5'1 ½" of me, short and skinny, attractive-yes but nothing special. My mutant ability is to emit electrical charge from my body. When I was younger I had to release my charge through a light bulb on a board in order to stop electric shocking people and also to stop the static charge from becoming too thick around my body and causing peoples, within a two metre radius, hair stand on end. You know what they say about short people having big mouths and loads of confidence to make up for their size…well they are wrong, me I'm just a shy, nervous gal with one hell of a temper. The phrase 'last remembered first forgotten' seemed to have been made for me but not now I've found true friends in the institute, sure I had friends before, a member of the schools football (sorry soccer I'm in America now) team are rarely friendless but are these people truly interested in you or your ability to score goals? But hey that's enough about me you'll be able to draw your own conclusions on us later.

Okay I know what your thinking I haven't told you about Jubilee but hey I wont insult your intelligence and tell you what you undoubtedly already know, although she has grown she's now 5'5" and aged 16 like Kat, but nothing else about hers changed.

"I say we celebrate!" See nothings changed she's still up for a party or a mall crawl, I on the other hand would rather drink from the bladder of a baboon then spend or day shopping or go clubbing.

"You got anything special in mind?" I ask cautiously

"I thought we could go to an all night rave or something…" she took a look at our exasperated faces…well when I say all I mean everyone's face except Kat who found this suggestion rather appealing "or not!" she added brightly.

"Well I'm going to go to the cinema then I'm going to ring my mum to speak to Geof...er…Remy and get him to buy me some alcohol" I said carefully casual I was lucky my mum believed that a little alcohol at an early age would stop me abusing it when I got older and so when ever I wanted to drink I just rang her up and the Cajun who understood my mums reasoning would check it was ok with her would go out and buy me as much as I wanted on the proviso that I was sensible, and I always was.

Jubilees head jerked up "Come on lets go to our room" then in no more than a whisper she added "We'll discuss this where Elvis wont hear" 

 We got up off of the floor where we was still sat and trooped out of the Danger room with legs that felt like lead.

"Jubilee!!" Mel hissed as soon as the door shut behind us "You took a risk calling him Elvis while he was still in the near vicinity with his heightened hearing, you could have blown our cover"

"Oh don't be so dramatic what's the worst that could happen, at WORST we would have to think of a new name" was Jubilees carefree retort.

OK I feel I may need to explain, you see we've come up with a number of codenames for the faculty Wolverines as you might guess is Elvis (due to his sideburns), we did this so we could talk about him in his presence and he or other faculty members wouldn't know who we were talking about but we had to be careful not to make it too obvious. Other codenames included 'The Dictionary' for Beast for obvious reasons, 'Barbie' or 'Medusa' (depending on her mood, Barbie when she nice and being oh so perfect and Medusa when she's in a bad mood and gives you her evil eye) for Jean and the plastic princesses favourite pal 'Ken' was Scott, there were others but the list is long.

"How much money have you got to give Remy?" Jubilee got straight down to business 

"Enough"

"Well if we all give you a bit of money we can all have a little drink" which was Jubilee speak for getting absolutely shit faced

"Whatever" I replied with a shrug "I still want to go to the cinema though"

"We're coming to!" Kat spoke for the first time then as an after thought "What are you going to see?"

"James Bond" I said with a glare full of warning which they did not heed as they collectively groaned "Am I to take it you don't like 007"

"I like Bishop fine" I had forgotten 007 was Bishops codename "But what I object to is going to see James Bond" Mel said as matter of factly as she did everything.  

In the end it was decided by Evelyn what we was going to see in yet another of her moments of wisdom. I ran up to my room to grab my car keys and made my way to meet the girls in the garage but my exit was blocked by Ken…sorry Scott.

"Where are you girls going then Ashley?" he asked good naturedly

"To the cinema sir" God I wanted to be outta here

"Cant you stay at home and watch a movie? Kids today they never want to stay in" I did nothing but look at him expectantly "Oh well we were all young once I suppose" he sighed

"Not you Mr Summers I bet you were born middle aged" 

But he didn't get the Joke and replied proudly "Why thank you. I have always strived to take a mature out look on life, however I do have occasional lapses" He paused and looked around conspiratorly to check no one was listening "I once possessed a whoopee cushion" he confided "I never used it of course but the capacity was always there".

"Mmmm….I wonder what delights Remy has provided for us tonight" Jubilee mused out loud peering in one of the 3 bags sat on my bed "TEQUILA"

Me and Kat groaned we had both fallen prey to the Tequila Remy buys before and made mental notes to avoid it this evening.

"There's some Vodka in here" Evelyn cautiously pointed out.

"Now that's more like it" Kat said jumping up and down on her bed excitedly.

"Guys I'm really not sure this is a good idea you know, what if we get caught" Mel asked worriedly

"You know I'm with Mel on this one" Ev agreed

"Either your in or your not" I said irritably

They looked at each other and sighed "We're in"

**An Hour Later**

"It wash more frightening then Shabretooth could ever be" Kat slurred rocking slightly

I thought for a second "Nahh you don't have to worry bout Shabretooth it'sh the She lions [sea lions] you've got to watch out for" I looked around "I mean they sit there entertaining people all day but really all they want to do is club ush _hic _and wear our shkins"

Everyone nodded appreciatively Ev jumped up quickly nearly overbalancing "I've got an idea" we looked at her expectantly though blearily "We could have a wheel chair race" She didn't sound drunk but she had to be to even suggest a slight flouting of rules.

"Umm guys" Mel almost shouted "Can you help me up?"

We proceeded giggling to out side the professors bedroom door and Jubilee with stealth remarkable of someone who'd drunk a large bottle of Tequila by herself entered his bedroom and emerged with his wheel chair. Then with over elaborate gestures to indicate silence we made our way to the spare wheel chair and made our way to the garden.

"I'm going first"

"No I am"

"I got the chair"

"So?!?!"

"Jubes, Kat, there's two wheelies me and Ev will push and Mel can…um…stay slumped on the floor"

"I want to point out that the wheel chairs are motorised" came Evs deceptively steady voice.

"I can fix that" Jubes said spitting out her bright pink chewing gum and sticking it elaborately around the controls of the two wheels chairs, unfortunately she jammed one into forward in the process leaving Kat whizzing (ok moving slowly) off in to the distance 

"WWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" Oh well she seemed to be enjoying herself.

"Giddy up Evelyn Kats winning" Jubilee giggled as the two disappeared into the distance.

**Half an Hour Later**

 "I think their coming back" I said swigging a bottle of Baileys

"I wanna say I love you Ash I might not be able to say it again but you're a real good pal but not as good a pal as Mr Whiskey" Mel said looking at her bottle of _Vodka._ "Eh Mr whiskey me and you friends forever I know I'll sing to you. _Silent night holy night all is calm hic all ish bright"_

"Didya miss me?" Kat shouted arms spread, wheel chair still evidently stuck going forward. "Urgh whats that smell" she asked shooting accusing glares at Jubilee who was sat sleepily in her wheel chair

Evelyn giggled idiotically "I think we ran through some Scuzzlebutt poo"

"MMMmmm…Sabretooth shit is always the worst" I nodded sagely. 

**15minutes Later**

"Yeh that's right shove it in front of the wall, that way when it wants to go forward it'll have nowhere to go" I hissed before seeing Jubilee emerge from the room

"One down one to go" Evelyn pointed out helpfully "On my count everyone lift 1, 2 Lift"

We carried the spare wheel chair to the safety of its home "Don't worry it wont smell so bad in a couple of days" Mel said wafting the air in front of her nose.

"Speaking of Shit" I looked at Kat and she nodded and went to get the nutty chocolate we kept for such occasions "Meet you in the Kitchen"

Kat was soon back and handed me the chocolate

"Ooohhh are we going to eat that" Mel's eyes were the size of saucers.

"No" I growled slapping her hand away "Kat if you please"

Kat complied rolled her sleeves up and set her hands ablaze.   

 As desire the chocolate started to go really squidgy then I started to mould it in to the shape of dog poo.

"Where should we put it?" I asked

Evelyn giggled "By Mr Summers shoes" 

I looked her shocked before grinning "Welcome to the dark side"

We carefully placed half of Scott's shoes in the chocolate and wiped streaks of it over the leaves of a nearby plant to give the 'plant used as toilet roll' effect. We stood back and grinned at our handiwork.

"I'm going roller skating" Jubilee announced and made her way upstairs

We looked at each other "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"What that cheese would be pretty nice about now?"

"No Kat lets go watch"

**2 Minutes later**

We watched as Jubilee skated up and down the hallway of the _faculty's wing of the house outside Jean and Scott's bedroom after a minute Scott came out the door and looked up and down the corridor however upon spotting him Jubilee charged at him at full speed, they collided leaving Scott sprawled on the floor._

"Oh Sorry Cyke I thought you were the _Enemy" She said before skating off up the hall._

When she reached the top she turned around to see Scott getting back up off of the carpet. Her face darkened as once again she sped as fast as her drunken legs could carry her right at him. 

"_Ooaaaffff__" Scott managed to stay stood this time "JUBILEE!!"_

"Hey is it my fault you look like the _enemy" _She called as she unstrapped her boots and stomped off to our side of the mansion.

Kat, Melody, Evelyn and me all looked at each other and burst out laughing before running past a confused looking Scott and after Jubilee. 

We all met back in our room.

"I'm bored"

"Shut up I'm trying to sing!" Mel spat at Kat

"But Melly I'm really bored"

"Kat we know all your cornflakes aren't in one box but annoying…" My eyes narrowed as I slowly counted then recounted the amount of people in the room "…five gals who could kill ya before you can sneeze"

Kat looked puzzled and thoughtful

"The wheels still turning but the hamsters dead, huh Kat?" 

"I know what we can do" Mel shrieked causing Kat to fall off of the bed "KAREOKE!!"

**Down in the Rec. room.******

_"Go on now go, walk hic out the door, _

_Don't turn around now coz you're not welcome anymore, _

_Weren't you the one who dadadaddaadada I cant remember the words"_

Kat was singing her favourite song whilst using a bottle of neat bacardi as a microphone and trying to drink her microphone. 

I stood to give her a standing ovation, okay so the song wasn't written in that key…or to that tune but it was a good effort. I went to sit back down but proceeded to lean back too far and fell backwards onto the floor. I sat up hastily we all burst into hysterical laughter.

I walked in the front door to hysterical laughter coming from the rec room, whatever party was goin' on in there I didn't wanna be a part of it. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed myself the finest bottle of cheap beer there was and took a swig, thinking that tomorrow would be a well deserved day off for both the gals and me, they'd sure been working hard these last few months and it showed.

*_Crash*_

There was that laughter again and a moan of "Not again". It sounded like it might be fun to go in their after all I could do with cheerin' up and so I found myself walking to the rec room which now sounded like someone was strangling several cats to the Grease soundtrack (not that I'd know what the Grease soundtrack would sound like). I stood in the door way and looked at what seemed to be a rabble of teens but on closer inspection was my rabble of teens.

I growled loudly to let them know I was there, Ashley was the first to notice and launched herself into a chair with such force she fell backwards onto the floor. She looked angrily at the offending piece of furniture.

"It's not funny anymore" she sternly informed it as she got up and kicked it. It must have hurt because she was hopping around clutching he toe throughout what happened next.

"What the hell do you girls think your doing?" I growled menacingly at them

Jubilee jumped and sidled up to me "Singing Wolvie!"

"Is that what you call it!" I couldn't help but be slightly amused

"Hey the stage equipment let us down!" Mel protested

"Yeah right the microphones were turned on!" I smirked "Do you have any idea what the Professor or Scott would do if they caught you?"

"Aint gotta a clue" came a united reply 

"Have you?" Jubilee had the cheek to ask, but damn she did have me stumped but I weren't gonna let her see that.

I scanned the room Kats face was red, Ashley's was green, Jubilees had a smirk playing across it, and Evelyn's and Mel looked ashamed.

"I feel sick" came a little voice

It suddenly hit me; I couldn't believe I hadn't smelt it before they were all drunk.

"You're all drunk?" the low gruff voice accused

Drink had made me bold so I retorted "It's a fine state of affairs when group of friends can not have one little teensy drink to celebrate"

"I don't want no lip from you Sparky…where's she going?" I heard him ask as I ran into the hall way and threw my guts up in one of Storms potted plants, oh well it'll make it grow I told myself as I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and made my way back to the rec room.

"Oh come on Wolvie you can be Danny and we'll..." Jubilee gestured around the room "...all be Sandy".

Suddenly I had a brilliant plan on how to get rid of Wolverine.

"Did you lot just see Jean streak out of the door shouting that Scott's an idiot and that she'd find someone who would take her body" I said sincerely

It had the desired effect Wolverines head jerked up and he ran to the window before running in the general direction of the front door.

"Quick run!" I yelled grabbing Kats wrist and pulling her out of the door.

At the bottom of the stairs I stopped

"Go on with out me and if I never see you again remember that I did this so you might live" and with that I ran to the front door.

Behind me I heard "Come on Mel, Ash wouldn't have wanted us to risk our lives too" and Kats faint voice ask confusedly "How she going to risk her life and why?"

As I approached the door I stuck my head out for any sign of Wolverine and jumped when I saw he was so close and heading right at the door and me. I slammed the door quickly and squinted as I attempted to put the bolts across so he couldn't get in again (it took 3 attempts to grab the bolt but I was thinking a lot clearer since I'd been sick). Then I'm ashamed to say that the leader of Retribution-X ran before Wolverine could slice his way through the door. As I headed up the stairs I could faintly hear a muffled voice cursing me.

**Retribution X Headquarters (aka the Girls bedroom)**

"We're saved!" Kat yelled

"For now" I said in my best Scott voice

"So what do we do now?"

"Drink? " Jubilee suggested everyone was feeling bad enough at this point to renounce alcohol in all its forms even the 4.6% found in mouthwash. "Ok I know how about consequences"

So that what we did the first sheet of paper read:

Professor X met

Jean Grey in

Mr Sinister's toilet

He said "Bend over I'm the Lord of the Rings"

She said "What lovely flowing locks you have"

The both decided they would forego their relationship and concentrate on the protection of the league of homosexual penguins from Antarctica.

Needless to say we laughed _hard._ But just before we could start another game we heard a tap at our window.

"What's that?" Ev asked.

"Maybe it's a friendly hummingbird coming to bring us news from the great out doors" Kat mused looking at the ceiling.

I looked around and sighed "Okay I'll go check thanks for the offer"

I got up and pulled the curtain back "I can't see anything except my reflection" and sat back down again.

We sat and discussed the various excuses we could offer for not getting up at all tomorrow.

"I know" Kat said excitedly "We could say that our cat died"

"A very good plan except for we done have a cat" Mel pointed out

"Ompa Lumpa?"

We don't have one of them either." Mel sat thoughtfully for a moment before adding "Wolverine looks like an Ompa Lumpa"

"No he doesn't"

"YES HE DOES!"

"NO…"

The window sounded like it as absolutely being hammered at now.

"Turn off the light we'll be able to see better" Ev pointed out.

After the light gone turned off I once again proceeded to the window and drew back the curtain.

"ARRRGGGHHH!!!" came the other girls scream

I looked out and sure enough a sight that could chill you to the core was in front of me. Wolverine it appeared had climbed up the wall and was now holding his claws up against the window.

In all my wisdom I ordered "Antagonise him he can't get in" 

"Elvis is alive and living" was Kats cry

"No Kat its Wolverine!" It seems even though our codename for him was Elvis, Kat really thought that Elvis had scaled our walls to serenade us or enact revenge upon those who had shut out his pal Wolverine.

"Oh!" Kat thought for a moment then screamed before bursting into tears "He's trying to kill us"

From behind the window we saw Wolverine glare at us as Jubilee jumped up and started to sing Elvis songs to Wolverine. What a bad idea *CHRASH* He stuck his claws through our window.

"AWWW Jeez now my beds going to get we when it rains" Mels comment was the only one from the room as everyone (except me who was stood dumbfounded by the window) huddled together.

"RUUNNN!!" I yelled.

Everyone got up and started to run, and as a responsible leader should I tried to push my self through the door first resulting with me falling over.

"Go on with out me I'll only slow you down" I said

"You wont have to say that twice" was the last comment I heard as my 'team-mates' cum worst enemies ran out as fast as they could. Humph!! Them carrying on running was not the reaction to my comment I expected. I tried to get up

"You ain't goin' no where Kid" Came Wolverines voice behind me.

"Mr Logan sir…what are you er…doing here?"

"Don't play innocent with me"

"_Gulp"_


End file.
